When I was 18, I thought I had everything all figured out. I was geniunely outspoken, way too prideful and extremely hardheaded. I hated who I was. I hate the fact that that's the memory of me I left behind for so many to remember me by and because of that person I used to be, I missed out on getting to know some really great somebody's... (or so I think). Five years later you would think that I've mastered everything but I realized I don't know anything about life at all. Unfortunately, second chances are seldom granted and people will continue to judge you based on your past. My mom once told me, "Be careful what you do because it doesn't matter if you're good 90% of the time... people ALWAYS remember the bad (10%)" and she was right. I've made so many bad choices in the past. I thought I had it all under control but I was just out of control now that I look back. People make mistakes all the time and sadly, people are not as forgiving as this world needs them to be.
I would like to think that i've grown into an extremely improved version of who I used to be.. but whose job is it to judge me on that besides God? It's hard to run into someone from the past who continues to hold the idea of who you used to be against you. They don't open up to the possibility that maybe you've grown up, changed, matured... instead, they turn their cheek, brush you off, make you feel like you're unworthy of their time. I guess that's fine... I won't lie.. it hurts my pride and I start to blame myself thinking it's something I must have done but then I realized that you can't change the way people feel or act toward you so you might as well be yourself.
I'm learning to allow myself to grow. I am not the same person I was when I was 18 and I don't have it all figured out... but I want to learn. I want to let go and let God take over.
