insidious thoughts

"Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind... the race is long, but in the end, it's only with yourself" -B. Lurhman

I'm not an expert on these types of things but all I really know is that I am a dependable person. And although many might consider that to be a strong trait to have, I feel like it one of my biggest weaknesses. 

People know they can count on me for a lot of things so a lot of the times they call on me to help them fix their problems or even when they just want or need something to be done. It should be flattering, really... but half the time it's not... because as much as I love to help those who need it, I've come to realize that some of those people who ask are looking for an easier way to get what they want and really just taking advantage of my knowledge/experience.

I've come to recognize that some of those "friends" really aren't friends at all. In fact, they are anything but a friend... they use people like me to "one-up" (for lack of a better term) their status in society. That's foul... and I know that life is not fair but I definitely do not agree with foul play.  

Friends care how life is like on both sides of the fence.. yours and theirs.. not just theirs. They care to ask how your life has been, too. There's no problem with doing your own thing but don't use other people to get to where you want to be. "Cheaters never prosper" and if you've cheated a friend to help you get ahead in your career or educational goals, it will come back and bite you in the ass because all the people you meet on your way up in this world are the same people you'll meet on your way down so don't take advantage and don't be inconsiderate. Sometimes all someone wants/needs to hear is "How are you?" just to know that someone cares to even ask how their day is going can make a difference.

i haven't blogged in a while but this has been a recurring theme within these past couple weeks. 

deprevation

I just smashed two ants that I found crawling around on my desk. This is how I know summertime is creeping around the corner. Ants want to live on the inside so they don't fry to death on the outside. Too bad I'm a big mean ant smasher. Please don't tell my students.. 

Last week, they picketed out on the field, raving "Save the Ants! Save the Ants! Save the Ants!" with little signs made out of construction paper out on the soccer field. They were highly disturbed that the principal ordered toxins to be poured out on the grass to kill the dangerous fire red ants swarming around the children's play area. I thought it was very cute that they did that... although it was a little sad that their efforts did not pay off in the end. Safety first... that's a hard concept to grasp when you're young, innocent and free.

On another note, I've decided to stop depriving myself from doing things that make me happy. For instance, I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy after the 3rd season when I left Santa Cruz because it was so bittersweet to watch the show w/o my housemates and all alone... so I haven't seen an episode since Burke left Christina at the altar (2007).... Last night, I found a website that had all the episodes for seasons 4 & 5 and I've decided that I'm going to continue watching even if i have to watch alone because I shouldn't have to deprive myself from a show I love.. I deserve it. Coincidentally, the first episode of Season 4 was called "A Change is Gonna Come"... how appropriate for this day in age :)

freewheeling

"When you change the way you look at things, the thing you're looking at changes..." -unknown.

There's so much truth in this one caption. When I think about where life has taken me in the past 2,3, and even 4 years, i realize that it all happened so that i could become a better and stronger version on me. I wish I could help those who feel lost/confused/alone/etc. and let them know that they will BE OKAY. There's so many blessings in each of our lives and if we just open ourselves up to the beauty in even the smallest and simplest part of our surroundings, we would realize it. The past couple weeks I've learned to let go and accept my life... i've learned to be thankful for what my life is and is not and I've been the happiest I've been in a long time.