it's dangerous.

My housemate's boyfriend's best friend committed suicide yesterday... and although I didn't know him it made me angry and sad inside because that's another person who gave up on himself. I wish he could have seen that living is always the better choice regardless of the circumstance.. because "God will make you walk through hell before he lets you into heaven"... but I know from experience that it's not always that easy.

 I was angry with myself because although I do my best to practice forgiveness, I somehow let those hateful words and actions that were targeted toward me in the past hurt me still -- even today. And I want to hate you because you make the pain I feel and all the insecurities I have come to life.... I feel small in your presence and I shut down because I promised myself I'd be civil and choose peace. It's hard to be the "bigger person" when you feel so insignificant. All I can do is swallow my pride so that it's comfortable for everyone else.. it sucks. It sucks even more because you don't know how words can affect someone.. words truly cut deep and trigger emotions.. it doesn't matter how many years has passed by... people may forget what you said or did but they'll never forget how you made them feel.  

...may he rest in peace and may his friends and family have the support and love they need in this crucial time.