Tuesday, October 27, 2009

on the other side of town

Sometimes I feel more comfortable around strangers than I do around the people I know. There's something nice about not having the weight of expectation resting on your shoulders everywhere you go.

I "people watch" often... I don't do it to judge though... I do it because I'm easily fascinated with the way people move, act, speak, carry themselves, etc. Everyone is so beautiful in their own little way. I think if we just take the time to people watch and really appreciate something about someone other than focusing on something that leads you to judge them we'd all be a little happier with ourselves and our environment?

I don't know, just a thought...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

swordfish

I'm supposed to be writing an academic paper right now but instead, i'm here. I'm here because there's this huge black bubble floating around in my mind... invading my thoughts. That big black bubble consists of deceit, betrayal, disbelief, sadness and confusion. It's personal... and so i'd never broadcast it over the internet for your reading pleasure but I just wanted to let you know that's what brought me here... because there's really no where else to go.

I'm afraid of how it will all turn out... i'm not talking about school.. even though that is all that seems to occupy my life right now.. but i'm talking about something deeper.. something that hits close to the heart's home. I want to be strong for my family's sake but I'm torn and I'm scared. I'm waiting for some kind of sign from God that will help me figure out exactly what i'm supposed to do... I prayed and prayed for things to get better for a long time now but it seems it has only gotten worse. How could this turn out this way?

I just want everything to be okay. I feel so sad. I'm helpless... that's the worst feeling in the world... when you watch your loved ones slowly lose themselves and there's nothing you can do but watch it happen. & I can't even be there because of fucking school.... What's going to happen... the anticipation is killing me. I just want everyone to be okay. It's going to get ugly. It has only just begun.

Friday, October 2, 2009


"If you don't go after what you want you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward you'll always be in the same place. Go get it!"


After several weeks of contemplating whether or not I should collect more recyclables, I finally got off my butt to sort out the materials and prepare them to be turned in. My sister was the one who inspired me to really start recycling. It might not seem like a big deal but, really... it is! Our world is deteriorating right before our eyes and nobody really seems to give a crap. It's almost as if "going green" is just the new fad that will eventually, just like every other fad, wither away. I hope I'm wrong.

School has been extremely tough. It only seems like it's going to get busier and harder as the weeks progress but secretly, I LOVE IT! What would I be doing with myself right now if I didn't have school? Thank God for education! I love the new friendships and relationships i'm building with the other students in my cohort. It's good to be around people who enjoy learning as much as I do and who can having fun while doing it. I'm hopeful.

I had quite a few things to say but now I can't seem to remember what they were. So i'll cut this short and reconvene with you all later. Ta-ta!